My Best UP Lantern Parade Ever

Author’s note: This sudden, disturbing, and vivid reminiscing of past events is brought about by pure, unadulterated sexual frustration. I mean, come on, God gave me a penis! That penis has needs, okay. So there. Yeah. Reader discretion is advised.

The last Lantern Parade I’ve been to was on December 17, 2008. And it was the best. It was also my first time to parade with the college float which, by the way, looked like it was put together by a group of drunken teenagers over a weekend. Sorry.

A Lantern Parade aficionado would always expect a great show from the UP College of Fine Arts. In 2008, they didn’t disappoint. They owned the event.

However, MY favorite float was that of the UP College of Human Kinetics.

You know how Piolo is into semi-attractive guys with chinky eyes? (i.e. Yul and Mark. They’re not so attractive for me, but to each his own.) Well, please let me be gay for a moment: I am into semi-attractive guys who wear glasses. Throw in a set of well-defined six-pack abs and you get sex on demand.

Well hello there, amorous congruous stick.

He lacks height, pero choosy pa ba ‘ko?!

So there I was, clandestinely taking pictures of random hot guys in the parade… And then this.

I’m pretty sure those are fuck me eyes. Dude. There were, like, a dozen other people taking pictures out there. I just… I can’t.

You know what would’ve been great? A little quick sex in a toilet cubicle. Welp. Kudos me. If I had a uterus, I’ve made myself pregnant.

This year’s Lantern Parade will be on December 16. We’ll all be there. And if it’s good, I’ll probably blog about it.