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Jul 27th
TOP 15 REJECTED STATE OF THE NATION ADDRESS OPENING LINES
No. 15: “Let us observe a minute of silence in memory of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson.”
No. 14: “To officially open this momentous event, please welcome… the members of the Congressional Spouses Foundation interpreting the Academy Award-winning song Jai-Ho!”
No. 13: “And the ‘Pitoy Moreno Award’ for Best Sona Gown goes to…”
No. 12: “Walaaang tulugan!”
No. 11: “After my speech, you may proceed to the Iglesia Ni Cristo anniversary party for your free dinner.”
No. 10: “Is that you Jovy Palparan? Look at you now. I’m so proud of you!”
No. 9: “This will be very short. Why, do you really expect me to accomplish that much in such a short period of time? Hello!”
No. 8: “First, the good news! Identified na ang nag-leak ng info about my boob job!”
No. 7: (Starts singing) “I dreamed a dream in time gone by/When hope was high and life, worth living/I dreamed that love would never die/I dreamed that God would be forgiving
No. 6: “Kapag sinabi kong I am for peace, I mean all out peace for everyone. Kaya mga kababayan, kasama po natin sa gallery ngayong hapon ang unang batch ng mga nagbalik-loob na Abu Sayyaf terrorists. Pasalubungan po natin sila ng masigabong palakpakan at sabay-sabay nating isigaw: Amnestiya para sa Terorista!”
No. 5: “Thank you so much to our major sponsors this afternoon: Pfizer, GlaxoSmithKline, Johnson & Johnson, Bristol-Myers Squibb, Novartis, and Abbott Laboratories.”
No. 4: “Sama-sama tayo! Hindi ko kayo pababayaan. Lalaban tayo! Teka lang… mali! I am shorry. Dish ish the wrong speech. My goodnesh! The teleprompter! Ayushin ang teleprompter! Pronto!”
No. 3: “Ang hindi papalakpak… hindi ko isasama sa U.S. sa Huwebes!”
No. 2: “I would like to dedicate my last State of the Nation Address to the most caring and hardworking people I’ve ever met – my constituents at the 2nd congressional district of Pampanga! Mañampukaki ing lugud mi kekayu!
And the No. 1 rejected State of the Nation Address opening line…
“Ladies & gentlemen, good afternoon. This will be my last State of the Nation Address… as of press time.”
“Political speeches are like steer horns. A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.” ~Alfred E. Neuman
(via The Professional Heckler)
