Me to a guy from the venue: “Brod, may restroom ba sa taas?” (Bro, is there a restroom upstairs?)

Guy from the venue: “Yes Sir. Samahan ko po kayo..” (Yes Sir. I’ll accompany you…)

Me:

Moral of the story: We live in a society where it is okay for two women to go to the restroom together. If two men do the same, they’re frowned upon. Especially by the CBCP.

Author’s note: Much like American Horror Story, this post is not for everyone. If you are a minor, or if you are easily offended, please skip this post. You’re gonna regret it. You’re gonna regret it. You’re gonna regret it.

I’m sorry True Blood. I love you, but I cheated on you last night. No, not with The Walking Dead. He was awesome. WAS. Now he’s boring me to death. I met someone new, someone who’s as sick and sexy as you.

I have been holding out on seeing American Horror Story because I wanted to watch the whole first season back-to-back, without the wait. But - like with food and sex - I have very low self-control, so I checked out the Pilot Episode last night. Then I flirted a bit with Episode 2, followed Episode 3 on Twitter, asked for Episode 4’s BBM pin, went out to dinner with Episode 5 (we had a really nice time), drank a bit with Episode 6, made out with Episode 7, had acrobatic, mean-spirited, highly-educational sex with Episode 8 all night and ended up cooking a hearty breakfast for Episode 9. We really hit it off.

You know what else, True Blood? The show’s opening billboard is at par with your Emmy-nominated title sequence. It made the broadcast designer in me touch his genitals.

And you know what else made me touch my genitals? This man. And I can’t wrap my head around the fact that he’s more than twice my age. Seriously, I didn’t even know it was possible to look like this at 50.

Whew. What a DILF. His handsomeness is so unnecessary. And the show’s producers won’t even stop there. First few minutes through the Pilot, he’s doing this:

Halfway through the episode, he’s touching himself. In front of a window.

There is no GIF for my emotions. While I’m being mind-fucked by the story, I’m also thinking about the cross-generation gay sex I should be having with this man. And wait until you see the Zachary Quinto episode.

There are three things that I look for in a TV show: mystery, drama and sex. Every episode of American Horror Story (so far) has all these rolled into one emotional, psychological roller coaster ride. Everyone who loves the horror genre should watch American Horror Story and become obsessed. What’s not to love? Spoiler alert: nothing. Except Ben Harmon. That guy’s an asshole. A sexy, sexy asshole.